Ask Your Kids These 8 Questions And Not Yell At Them When They Make Mistakes

Oct 04, 2018 by apost team

Parenting is tough work, and all parents make mistakes from time to time. Commonly, parents do not know how to handle situations when their children make mistakes. Some parents may give a child a timeout or a firm scolding in various situations, but children’s mistakes may be learning opportunities. As a parent, you will need to decide almost immediately what the right approach is to address the situation. These are some excellent questions to ask that may help your child learn from their mistake.

Every person views a situation from their own perspective. While you may assume that you know what happened and why, it is important to learn what the child believes happened and what he or she may have been thinking at the time. When you ask this question, avoid taking a judgmental tone. Instead, openly listen to the response that you receive. Remember that asking this question may also give you a minute or two to calm down and to think about the best approach to take to deal with the issue.

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Some kids may already feel intense guilt or shame related to an accident or a bad decision. Not every situation requires a parent to step in and help the child learn from it. By asking this question, you can help your child to realize what he or she did wrong, and you can determine if you need to explain why his or her actions were not appropriate. Keep in mind that children who are very upset about the situation as it is may not be in the right frame of mind to listen to your scolding or advice. It may be better to wait until later to discuss the issue if your child is emotionally distraught.

Children understandably should not have the freedom to address any situation on their own, but this question gives you a chance to discuss the possible outcomes together. It also requires children to think about the impact that they have had and to brainstorm ideas to address the consequences. For example, if a child said something mean to his or her sibling, he or she may offer to apologize to the sibling. In addition, you may lead your child into the thought of taking a deep breath before saying unkind words in the future.

Each mistake or accident that a child makes is a teachable moment. Rather than issue strict instructions regarding how something should be addressed in the future, ask your child this question. By doing so, you force him or her to think through the issue and to find a solution. When you ask this type of question regularly, you help the child to develop effective problem-solving skills that are beneficial throughout life.

After you listen to your child’s problem-solving ideas and offer your own feedback, give your child some space to make a decision about how to proceed. If you believe that your child is proceeding down the wrong path, explain why you believe that this is not the right decision. When children get themselves into a situation, they should be allowed to get out of that situation using a strategy that they have decided on. This question can prepare them for real-life scenarios in the future when they must effectively live with the consequences of their actions and move on in various ways.

There are obvious consequences of any situation. For example, if your child threw a ball in the house, the result may be a broken window. However, there may be other consequences that your child is old enough to comprehend and learn from. For example, because the child broke the window, the parent may have to clean broken glass and cover the window until a replacement can be installed. Rather than tell your child what the many consequences were, let him or her mull over this question and see the full impact of his or her actions.

By asking these questions so far, your child will see the impact that his or her actions have had. Your child has also explored possible solutions and decided which solution to proceed with. Now, your child needs to actively think through how this solution will be executed. For example, will an apology be in person or in writing? Otherwise, will the child do a physical act of service as a means of apologizing?

Your child may be presented with a similar obstacle in the future. While he or she may have learned about the consequences of related actions and taken steps to rectify the situation, the child should also understand how to avoid being in this same situation in the future. As with the other questions listed here, allow your child to determine the best path to take going forward.

Everyone makes mistakes, and most adults learn from those mistakes. On the other hand, parents often scold and punish children who make mistakes. Scolding and punishment may tell a child that an action was wrong, but it does not give your child the ability to learn and grow from the situation. In some cases, punishment may still be essential, but these questions will help your child to learn and will give you the feedback that you need to make an informed decision about the need for punishment.

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