After Couple Says Husband Has Breast Cancer, Sister Reacts By Making Cruel 'Joke'

Oct 01, 2021 by apost team

In a since-deleted post on the subreddit AITA, a Redditor asked whether she was wrong to kick out her sister after she made a joke and laughed at her husband for having cancer. Since CuteRedPanda30 submitted the question on Sept. 22, it has received a massive response from the Reddit community, including more than 600 comments and 6,000 upvotes. You might ask why anyone would laugh or joke about cancer, especially a family member. 

The original poster (OP) explained the details in her post, writing that her 41-year-old husband, John, was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer.

It’s a common misconception that men can’t get breast cancer, and so she says that John was in disbelief. After all, how can a man develop cancer in breasts that he doesn’t have? The truth, however, is that men do have breast tissue, and around 1 percent of breast cancer cases are found in men in the U.S., according to the CDC.

John discovered that he was part of that one percent in August 2021.

After his diagnosis, John had to tell the rest of his family, and so he and his wife invited them to dinner to share the news.

And that’s when things got out of hand. John told everyone the bad news after dinner, and while his mother was crying, the OP’s sister, 26-year-old Judy, made a joke about the diagnosis.

“She said ‘maybe the cancer cells got confused because you have huge man boobs,’” the OP wrote.

The OP then pulled her sister into the kitchen to scold her, which led to the sisters fighting.

“I told her she was being insensitive and cruel to made a joke about my husband. She said I am blowing it out of proportion as she was just trying to lighten the mood,” the OP wrote. “I got angry with her because instead of apologizing, she made excuses and called me too sensitive. I told her to get out of my house and I won't be talking to her anymore unless she apologized to me and especially to John.”

The Redditor then asks whether she was wrong for kicking her sister out, as she had to call a cab and “leave alone at 10 p.m.” What’s more, their mother is upset with the OP for how she treated her sister.

“When mom learned that I kicked out Judy, she got upset and told me I overreacted. I said her joke is unacceptable and I will only talk to her after an apology,” the OP explained.

The Reddit community, however, is in near-total agreement with the OP, with some users arguing that she should completely cut her sister out of her life.

“I don’t care whatever her intentions were, the sister’s remark is disgusting, full stop,” one Redditor commented. “I had cancer myself and can vouch that nothing is as devastating and frightening. The husband was sad and scared and OP’s sister’s first reaction was to make him feel even worse. I don’t even know why OP is hoping to make up with this person and that she reaches out, her focus should be on supporting her husband.”

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Other Redditors weren’t as harsh, though they still took the OP’s side in the end.

“A joke is a joke. One can joke about anything but this was not the right time and not the right audience. If your husband had said it to lighten the mood, it would have been OK,” a highly rated comment reads. “Maybe one day he can laugh about it, but it's not funny now.”

In response to a comment, the OP also provided an update on her husband’s situation, noting that his doctors say the prognosis is promising and that they are both in therapy.

As one study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health points out, it’s common that men are stigmatized for suffering what many think of as a “women’s disease.”

“These social constructs can have significant implications for men who have breast cancer, wherein, besides having to cope with the disease, males also have to deal with gender aspects because of suffering from a perceived woman’s illness and feminization in therapy,” the study’s authors write.

According to Healthline, stage two breast cancer indicates that the cancer is isolated to the breast and hasn’t spread to nearby tissue or the lymph nodes. As a result, the prognosis is generally good for stage two breast cancer patients. Although the statistics are based on women with breast cancer, the American Cancer Society reports that localized breast cancer isolated to the breast has a 99 percent five-year survival rate, while regional breast cancer that has spread to nearby tissue and lymph nodes has a 86 percent five-year survival rate.

What do you think of Judy’s comment? Was she out of line, or did the OP overreact? Let us know — and be sure to pass this article on to others to get their take.