According To Experts, Arguing Is Actually Great For Your Relationship

Aug 23, 2018 by apost team

Many people believe that arguing is detrimental to a relationship. However, a recent expert commentary says something different. The experts say that happy couples do fight and that a little verbal tussle now and then is not a sign that the relationship is hopeless. As a matter of fact, the experts say that couples who argue normally may have some of the strongest relationships in the world. Here's why.

A survey that the Guardian recently conducted said that couples were 10 times more likely to have a joyous relationship if they argued effectively. The survey asked various couples about their past relationships. Over 50 percent of those respondents said their relationships ended because of a lack of communication.

You don't argue if you don't communicate, but that lack of communication can apparently destroy the entire relationship. Effective communication, even if it's not the friendliest, can get people to open up about their feelings.
 

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Joseph Grenny, who is an established relationship Guru, had other interesting information to share about relationships. He said fighting amongst partners is not always a sign of a problem with a relationship. To the contrary, he said couples need to have arguments that are crucial to the relationship. Couples often fight about topics such as finances, child rearing, living situations and things like that. These are important topics to cover because they can make or break a relationship. That's why they're crucial, and they need to deal with them immediately.

The relationship master offered some additional tips for couples who wanted to argue healthily without destroying their relationship. The first thing he said was to process responses slowly. In other words, the partners were to think about what they wanted to say and then communicate constructively instead of lashing out.

The second tip for the couples was to not let emotions take hold over their responses. They needed to think about each subject rationally and try to solve problems together.

The third tip he had for the couples was to affirm each other's feelings. Each person should listen to the other one's concerns, acknowledge that he or she understands those concerns, and then let the partner know that he or she appreciates their concerns. Attention and appreciation are two of the keys to pulling off a successful argument.

If it's done correctly, the couple can end up stronger instead of weaker.

Asking the other partner for input was another thing that Mr. Grenny suggested. Just saying something like "What do you think?" or "How do you feel?" lets the other person know that his or her opinion or feelings are important.

Many arguments progress into something worse because one partner feels insignificant. These contribution invitations are a great way to avoid that feeling.

The University of Washington was apparently interested in how married couples interact. They conducted a 15-year study of such people. One thing they concluded in their studies was that proper disagreement settlement was one thing that kept those relationships together.

They also concluded that successful couples had lengthy disagreements that took a long time to work out rather than quick, heated arguments that had no resolution.

Another specialist had a different opinion about arguing. Susan Heitler says arguing is not even necessary between good couples. She suggests talking cooperatively instead. The difference between talking cooperatively and arguing is that no one tries to win when they talk cooperatively.  Her three main tips were to avoid judgment, to show respect and to never use hurtful language. She felt that couples who lived by those rules would be the strongest. 

Don't fret if you and your mate have arguments. You can still be in a healthy relationship. In fact, you may have one of the healthiest relationships in the neighborhood. Let your friends and loved ones know about this list and remember that a little opposition is fine.