6 Signs You Were Brought Up By A Toxic Mother

Aug 13, 2018 by apost team

Everybody gets into the occasional arguments with their mothers, but some mothers leave truly tragic scars on their children that last well into adulthood. Fortunately, by recognizing the following six signs, you can take a step towards erasing some of the hazards of a toxic mother-child relationship.

If you find yourself still trying to justify your mother's actions years later, you may be harboring negative emotions. Some people blame themselves, saying that they were tough to raise or that they didn't do enough to help around the house. Shouldering the blame of your toxic childhood will only further your inner trauma until you feel like a boiling teapot. These emotions can take over in the form of dread, anxiety, and fear, and may even manifest physically in the form of anxiety attacks or suffocating stress.

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In a positive family environment, children develop strong conflict resolution methods, but the opposite is true for children with a toxic family history. Instead, you may find yourself submitting to any conflict by shrinking away and letting others take control. You use this as a defense mechanism so that you don't find yourself knocked down later. In contrast, you may also find yourself reacting aggressively or even violently with little or no provocation. This is an internalized form of conflict resolution in which you keep yourself from feeling emotionally vulnerable.

A toxic mother's love is conditional, so a child in this environment will do anything they can to please her. As you form adult relationships, you may find yourself constantly seeking the approval of others or fearing a sudden change in your partner's affections. Alternatively, you may unconsciously find that you isolate yourself emotionally as a way to protect yourself from ever being hurt again.

As an adult, you seek out frequent validation out of fear that others will suddenly realize you're unlovable and no longer want your company. You may find yourself constantly looking for signs that your loved ones are avoiding you or losing interest in you, even in minor transgressions.

Children of a toxic mother tend to have perfectionist tendencies, fearing the smallest failure and striving for constant and lofty success. For many people, their internalized voice belongs, in part, to their parents, so that voice in your head is always telling you that you are not good enough-- even when you are doing your best.

Often children with toxic childhoods form codependent relationships as adults. You may find yourself playing the passive codependent role, where you feel unloved if your partner doesn't meet your every need. In contrast, you may find yourself being a dominant partner, in which you crave a needy and weak partner to make you feel secure.

Make a change although you cannot change the past, remember that you have the power to make positive choices for your future. Break free of yesterday's chains and pave a new, stronger path in which you direct the course.