5 Reasons Narcissists Always Fail At Love

Jan 03, 2019 by apost team

We throw around the word “narcissist” a lot – quickly labelling our ex’s and old friends as having the disorder. While it’s funny to accuse someone of narcissism when they’re overly preoccupied with themselves, narcissistic personality disorder or NPD is no joking matter.

Having NPD can often result in severe relationship problems. Generally, narcissists are unable to stay in a long-term relationship and find themselves lonely for most of their lives.

We’ve put together a list of the five most popular reasons that narcissists fail at love. Whether you’re a narcissist yourself or if you’re dating a narcissist, this is the article you need to read!

Narcissism is a personality disorder that was first described in 1925 by Austrian psychiatrist Robert Waelder. While experts don’t fully understand narcissism or what causes its development, many people feel that it is partly due to genetics and partly due to the environment in which an individual is raised.

Unlike healthy individuals, narcissists have trouble growing close and intimate with others. Sometimes, it seems as if they are simply unable to be in a relationship where both partners are committed to one another and support each other’s growth. Narcissists often have problems not only with romantic relationships, but also with family ties such as siblings, parents, and children

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Since narcissists operate in patterns, they do the same thing over and over again, making it easy for onlookers to see where things go wrong. While understanding narcissism is not hard, it is difficult for these individuals to receive treatment since few narcissists will admit that they need help.

Listed below are the five most likely reasons that narcissists fail in relationships:

Since narcissists only truly care about themselves, it is impossible for them to develop genuine feelings for those around them. Rather than learn to care about a potential spouse because of their personality, narcissists will not allow themselves to grow that close emotionally. While a narcissist may enjoy “falling in love”, they fall out of love just as easily when the fun of the experience begins to wear off.

If you are with a narcissist, it will be easy to get caught up in serving their needs…because that is what they want. They are in a relationship so that they can have their needs met, with no concern about meeting yours. You will feel the need to constantly keep giving more, even when you are completely drained, because you realize that the other person will leave when you stop giving them what they want.

A recent study in the “Personality and Social Psychology” journal revealed that there are times when narcissists can show signs of compassion and even do things that are helpful; however, they will have set boundaries. Instead of doing kind and compassionate things to help others, they are generally promoted by a desire to impress and gain admiration.

Generally speaking, narcissists do not possess the ability to look at the world from a realistic point of view. They have high ideals and can’t grasp the reality that relationships come with issues and problems. Since narcissists are looking for partners who can fulfill their needs, they are generally attracted to people who will be “trophy” partners. They want someone who they can show off and use to gain admiration; they do not want to actually have to invest in caring for someone and helping them develop.

Since no relationship is going to always go smoothly, narcissists encounter problems with their partner eventually. Rather than work through these problems, they simply ditch their partner and go for someone they consider to be more likely to meet their needs. Since no one is perfect, they will continue to repeat this cycle.

In any relationship, trust is a big part of the foundation. While many of us develop trust issues because of hurtful experiences, narcissists take these issues to an extreme. To a narcissist, trusting someone makes them vulnerable and weak – feelings that they cannot handle.

Narcissists don’t only deal with their own trust issues, but they often work to develop similar problems in their spouses. If you date someone who has NPD, they may try to convince you that others are against you, simply because they do not trust others themselves.

Because narcissists are always worried about doing what is best for themselves, they will feel a constant need to be in control of all situations. Since it is impossible to always be in control, narcissists frequently use manipulation tactics to put themselves in the lead.

In an effort to be in control, narcissists often use lies, deceit, and exaggeration to twist stories for their own good. They also like to brag and present themselves in a good light rather than admit that they have any problems. Silent treatment and passive-aggression are favorites among narcissists. Sometimes it feels like narcissists intentionally try to cause trouble and, sadly enough, this is often true – they may try to cause problems so that they can elevate themselves and use others for their own purposes.

Since narcissists do not truly care about the needs of others, it should come as no surprise that they can easily become physically abusive when they don’t get what they want. A boy- or girl-friend can quickly turn into what the narcissist considers an enemy if they act against their wishes, thus enraging them; couple this with their control issues and it is a recipe for disaster.

Is there hope for a narcissist? Of course! There is hope for anyone – but only if they are willing to do the work necessary to change and have the willingness to do things differently. But be warned - if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you cannot make them change. Do not allow yourself to be abused.

Does this sound like anyone you know? Let us know about your experiences with narcissism or narcissistic people in the comments and pass this article along to your friends and loved ones to help them recognize a narcissistic person when they see one.