5 Anger Management Techniques Alternative To Yelling At Children

Aug 01, 2019 by apost team

If you have kids, you know that parenting isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. It can be full of tough challenges that may really wear down your patience.

Here are five anger management techniques that will help you stop getting upset at your kids:

Feeling like your words are falling on deaf ears can make a situation with your children worse and even more frustrating. The American Psychological Association says to "Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive."

Learning to express yourself without putting your child down is important especially when disagreeing. Try using a phrase like "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think," to better communicate and resist the urge to fight. The association also notes that

"Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to step in."

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If you want to be a better parent, there are some steps you can take to prepare yourself before arguments and problems arise. Dr. Alan Kazdin, a Yale professor that teaches child psychiatry and psychology, has an amazing system called the ABCs that help parents better manage their time with their children:

A) Antecedent- This portion of the ABCs means that you need to prepare your kid for the expectations you place on them. Don’t just expect them to know what you want them to do at all times. Prepare them in advance for their chores and good behavior by letting them know well ahead of time.

B) Behaviors- One important part of parenting is leading by example. Make sure that you display good behavior in order to teach your child these same actions. If you want them to be tidy and respectful, always display these qualities in front of them.

C) Consequences- Reinforcing good behavior in a child is all about positive praise. Once they complete a task you asked them to do, reward them with attention and approval. This positive reinforcement is the best way to build good character and will make them want to listen to you.

Although anger can feel complex at times, it is actually quite simple to understand. If you work on comprehending the root causes of your anger, you will better be able to manage them. Parenting expert and child and family therapist, Meri Wallace says,

"Determine why you are so angry, for instance, maybe your older sister was mean to you and it makes you upset to see your child behave the same way to a sibling. If you can verbalize, your feelings, for instance, 'It's hard for me to see you hurt your sister. My sister was very hard on me.' it will help you calm down and build bridges with your child." 

There’s a reason that we give children time-outs: they work! Adults can utilize these to their advantage as well. Walk away, take a break, and find a healthy way to express your anger. You may want to write in a journal, do some yoga, or go for a walk to de-stress. 

Parenting Expert, Meri Wallace, also says "Stepping out of the room for a few moments can also help you manage your behavior. If you feel enraged and sense that you might say or do something harmful to your child find a way to leave without making him feel abandoned. You can tell him, 'I need a minute. I'll be right back.' or 'I have to go to the bathroom.' This break can lower the intensity of the dispute."

Even though there are healthy ways to cope with anger management, no parent is perfect. Remember that learning skills to reduce this anger are helpful and will benefit your children greatly in the long run.

Positive Discipline Parenting Educator, Ariadne Brill offers three steps to help parents recover when they make a mistake to help them practice for a better solution. Her steps are as follows:

"1. Rewind: Acknowledge internally that you have said something hurtful or rude, 2. Repair: Apologize for not only what you said, but how you did it., 3. Replay: Try again, this time responding with kindness and the intent to connect."

Children deserve nothing less than love and understanding. While they grow up into the individuals they are destined to be, it’s your job to be a parent and help nurture them to get to that place. Practicing these 5 steps for anger management can help you have a better relationship with your kids.

What do you think about these methods? Do you have any secrets for keeping your cool with your children? Tell us below. Pass this article along to someone you think would benefit from reading this article. 

Our content is created to the best of our knowledge, yet it is of general nature and cannot in any way substitute an individual consultation by your doctor. Your health is important to us!