10 Things You Should Do WIth Your Partner When Your Relationship Isn't Going Very Well

Jan 09, 2019 by apost team

If you started your relationship via the time honored tradition of dating, you might think being in love is all about letting the good times roll. Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight.

But the real test of a relationship is how well it weathers the tough times. Do you immediately turn on each other during the inevitable storms of life? Or do you two have each other's backs?

The following best practices can help you get through the tough times with your relationship intact. In fact, you may find that tough times actually strengthen the relationship because they give you both a chance a shine and prove you are each other's heroes.

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It's okay if you are not up for sexy fun times, but give each other a goodnight kiss. Do so even if you've been fighting.

Just not feeling it? Then find a way to make your peace with each other enough to honor this nightly ritual. Your love for each other should matter more than some stupid argument.

Don't ambush your special someone with some big problem. Let them know you really need to talk to them about the finances or whatever big issue is on your mind and ask when would be a good time for you in the next few days.

If the house isn't literally on fire, it can probably wait a day or three. If you can't find time to do it right, when are you going to find time to do it over?

All's fair in love and war. When fighting with someone you love, do it in a loving manner. Don't go all ballistic like this is all out war.

If you really are so extremely mad that you can't deal with sleeping in the same bed with them and you absolutely must get to sleep because you have to be at work in the morning, evict yourself instead. Grab a blanket and consign yourself to the couch, not them.

As much as possible, try to not go to bed mad. Try to settle the argument and then have that goodnight kiss. You might find that sexy fun times follow, which can help both people feel like there is still love there and that matters more than the latest argument.

It's unhelpful to view it as "me against you." That just makes things worse. It's much more helpful to view it as "Me and you against the problem." So, there's this problem and we need to discuss it and work on it. But that doesn't mean we have to fight. We can just talk, brainstorm and try to find solutions without finger pointing, blaming and looking for a scapegoat.

Some people need a hug after a fight. Others need a cooling off period and to be left alone. Figuring out what your differences are and trying to find ways to meet the needs of both people will help you get through the rough times and back to the good times faster.

It takes around 15 to 20 hours per week to establish and maintain intimacy. If you aren't continuing to spend time together, you are probably headed towards divorce.

It doesn't matter how you divide that time up. It's fine if much of it happens on the weekend.

It isn't hugely important what you do during that time. It's fine if a lot of it occurs in the form of having breakfast and dinner together and running errands together.

But try to spend an average of at least two hours a day together over the course of the week or set aside time on the weekends for each other. Otherwise, you will gradually grow apart.

If possible, have a date night occasionally. If not, at least enjoy good conversation and other positive forms of attention. You want to feel good about the person you are making a life with and you want to feel a positive connection. It can't be all seriousness, all the time.

Is your spouse incapable of turning off the lights? Are they incapable of putting the lid on the toothpaste? Unless these small details are genuinely causing larger problems, don't make a big deal out of it.

You probably aren't perfect either. Save your energy for more important battles. Don't make some small issue into a hill to die on. It's a good way to wind up in divorce court.

Don't take each other for granted. Surprise each other with small niceties on a regular basis. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. Maybe a cheap bookmark with a pithy saying that means something to them.

It doesn't have to be anything material per se. Give each other massages. Give each other honest compliments rather than taking it for granted that, of course, they are just supposed to be good parents, calm under pressure, et cetera.

During tough times, sometimes people are tired and cranky. Sometimes it makes more sense to kiss your honey on the cheek and say "Hey, you look really tired. Let's not have some stupid, pointless fight. Why don't you get some rest and we can talk about it tomorrow."

Love is not just about being swept away with passion. Love is about being kind, considerate and supportive to each other at all times, not just on the days when things are going well.

When you look back, what you'll remember is how they handled the tough times. Always fight fair if you want to keep love alive. What did you think about this list? Do you agree? Have you ever been in a similar position? Let us know - and make sure to pass this along to your friends and family!