10 Methods To Detach Yourself From One-Sided Love

Dec 19, 2018 by apost team

At one point or another, most of us have or will be in a situation where you just can’t seem to detach yourself from someone you love. You know it can’t be. You know the other person doesn’t feel the same. Yet, you can’t make that final break from your one-sided love. Love isn’t fair, and it’s rarely the stuff of fairytales. Unfortunately, love really is often not enough, particularly when only one side of the equation is actually in love. Learn how to detach so that you can move on to brighter days.

Paul Hudson, entrepreneur, and the author sums it up perfectly in calling it a type of love signaling the end of something possibly beautiful, not the beginning of something beautiful. 
Loving someone doesn’t mean the other person is automatically going to return that love. From best friends and secret crushes to a romantic involvement about to move miles and miles away, it can be excruciatingly painful to love and want someone you know doesn’t return those feelings. While some such situations involve a few days or weeks of pinning when reality sets in and hope is lost, some can involve months, years, and even lifetimes of pain.

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You want to pick up the pieces of your heart and dust them off for the future, but you might not know how to get over the reality of unreciprocated love. You may feel helpless, defeated, and unworthy. It can feel like a merry go round spinning out of control and that you’re helpless to stop. 

The good news is that you can speed up the healing process from unreciprocated love by learning how to detach yourself from the person that’s unwilling or unable to love you back.

Only you can protect your feelings. Don’t put yourself in situations that escalate the pain you feel over your one-sided attraction. Protect your emotions and feelings by setting firm parameters in the relationship. For example, if talking about your crush’s dating life brings you pain, then make that a subject you simply don’t talk about with each other. 

Denial isn’t healthy for the psyche, but admitting the feelings exist and finding an appropriate place for them can help some people. This goes back to number one on our list; you’ll need to set up the definition and parameters of the relationship in your mind and compartmentalize feelings that aren’t congruent with that elsewhere. Separating what you have from what you want allows you to eventually put the compartmentalized aspects out to sea for good. 

Just as memory is improved by writing things out, writing can help you better articulate the anger, sadness, and disappointment that you may not be able to voice aloud. It also forces you to confront what you’re feeling when it’s in black and white in front of you. 

From denial, bargaining, and anger all the way to acceptance, there’s a process for grief. And, let’s face it, if the love truly is a one-way-street, then you’re grieving a loss and what could’ve been. Not all people will hit every stage of grief, but it’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever, whenever you feel so that you can move on to acceptance. 

If you enjoy spending time with the person, then keep the time you spend together in perspective. Enjoy it for what it is, not what you hope, expect, or fantasize it to be. Be realistic. Be appreciative. Be accepting. Find joy in the relationship type you can have with the person so that your desire for what you can’t have doesn’t blind you to opportunities for happiness elsewhere. 

Detachment is a great tool. You can do this by expanding your circle of friends if you and this person share many common friends. You can also expand your activities that have nothing to do with the person - find a new hobby, volunteer your time, or enroll in educational classes. The point is to get lost in something other than the person you’re pinning over. 

Talk to someone. If the emotions become too much of a burden to shoulder alone and in silence, then open up to a trusted friend. They may have invaluable advice, or they may just give you the support and reassurance you need to move past your unrequited love. 

If this isn’t an otherwise important relationship - a direct coworker, good friend, or such, then it may be better to avoid as much contact with the person as possible. For example, if your crush is the married waiter at your favorite restaurant, then simply avoid going to that restaurant. Even the important relationships may need a contact break if seeing them is something that brings you pain. You can always reconnect once you’ve got your feelings in order. 

Date. Sign up for singles events. See what’s out there for you that could be both meaningful and reciprocated. 

This can come about several different ways. Again, you may need to cut ties and say goodbye to any type of relationship with the person. However, it could be that you simply need to get your feelings off your chest and see what happens. You could be assuming the other person knows how you feel, they feel. Lay your feelings out on the table. Afterwards, you’ll be better equipped with the knowledge needed to decide to expand, terminate, or keep your relationship the same. 

Do you or someone you know have an unrequited love? If so, use the comment section to tell us about it. Perhaps, you have more tips on detaching? Tell us those, too.