You Need To Know These 5 Things Before You Fall For A Girl With A Toxic Ex
Nov 30, 2018
If you should happen to start dating and fall in love with a wonderful woman who left a harmful relationship, you'll likely start to notice some characteristics about her that set her apart from some other ladies who haven't been through this kind of traumatic experience. She may come across as standoffish at first. But that's only natural after her past.
Once you get past her initial reluctance to jump into a relationship, you'll come to realize that her guardedness is her way of trying to protect herself from further hurt. But under the right loving and understanding conditions, even this wounded soul can begin to open up to the right person.
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The more willing you are to try and understand her, the more likely she will be to warm up to you. It will just take time, patience, and extra compassion on your part.
This kind of girl is often operating at least partly on a fear that you'll be just as cruel to her as her ex. Here is a list of some of the things she probably wishes she could communicate to you about her.
1. She has experienced unimaginable pain and suffering.
For some women, the very thought of getting involved in a romantic relationship is terrifying because of what they've been through in their past relationship. They were with a man who treated them in completely dehumanizing ways.
Instead of allowing that horrible past to overcome her, however, this brave woman is doing the best she can to look to the future with hope. You can be a part of helping her heal. But you have to understand that she has many scars that won't go away overnight, and some may stay with her for life.
This is not the type of woman whose feelings you should ever consider trifling with. Do not tell her that you love her if you really only want to use her. She's been blinded by that so-called kind of "love" once before and she's determined not to fall for it again. So if your intentions are anything but genuine and pure, walk on past her and don't look back. She really, really doesn't need someone who wants to take advantage of her in her life at all.
2. She had legitimate reasons for leaving her last relationship.
This woman has a deep capacity for love and forgiveness, but there are some things that cross the line, and there are some people who have zero remorse for their abuse of other people. You don't have to worry about her having a change of heart and going back to that ex who traumatized her. That bridge has been burned for good.
Once the mask was taken off and she saw who and what he truly was, she knew she had to get away for the sake of her own physical and mental well being. So, rest assured, that chapter of her life is closed.
3. It's very difficult for her to have faith in people.
She may seem a little unsure of you and of your feelings for her for a lot longer than you typically would think reasonable after getting involved with someone. But, you have to understand, someone in her situation has been blatantly lied to by someone who they trusted with all their heart. That's the reason why it seems like she has a hard time believing you when you say you love her and would never hurt her. That's what he used to say to her before he turned around and stabbed her in the back.
You may think it's unfair for her to project her negative feelings and suspicion from her relationship with her ex onto you. But that kind of baggage is part of the price of leaving a bad relationship.
You're right, it's not fair. But try to be understanding and gentle if she seems distrustful. Remember that it's not because of you, it's because of what she's been through before she ever met you. Your job is to do your best to constantly act in a way that reassures her that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to entrusting her heart to you.
4. She isn't likely to be the pursuer in the relationship.
Sometimes women in this position seem like they're playing "hard to get." In reality, they're so reluctant to be hurt again that they're often not looking for love. They're also not willing to go after someone who doesn't seem super interested in investing in the relationship.
She's put a lot of stock in learning how to live independently since getting out of her last bad relationship. As a result, she's not willing to settle for someone who isn't putting forth much effort to make the relationship work.
5. She's got a bit of a tough shell.
She may not laugh at your jokes right away. She may not respond like a girl who's attracted to you normally would to flirting and playful banter. The fact of the matter is that she's doing all she can to avoid feeling the pain that she associates with love ever again. This reality may make it difficult for her to even tell you or herself that she's falling for you.
Think of winning this kind of woman over like removing bricks from a high, strong wall one brick at a time. Each time you show genuine kindness, a brick comes down. Each time you behave unselfishly, there goes another brick. Little by little, if it's meant to be, you'll find your way into her heart. Just be sure not to do anything to break it once you get there!
What about you? Can you relate to the woman in this article? Or maybe you can relate to the man trying to win her over? We'd love to read your thoughts in the comments. Pass this story along to your friends and family members - you never know who might need to read this right now.