Woman Asks If She Broke ‘Dress Code’ After Visiting New Mom Who Cried Over Her Outfit

Nov 23, 2021

Being a new parent comes with plenty of challenges. You usually have to change your routine since you can sometimes be up at odd hours of the night tending to your newborn and also need someone to stay home and watch the baby during the day. On top of that, mothers have to deal with a wide range of hormones as their bodies adjust to the aftermath of giving birth. This can result in them feeling a bit sensitive and potentially overreacting in certain situations.

Back in March 2020, a Reddit user decided to go visit her friend Hannah who had just given birth to a baby girl a week prior. She brought some presents for the family and even got to cuddle with the baby. All in all it seemed like a pretty nice day, until another one of the woman’s friends contacted her to let her know that Hannah had actually cried after seeing her.

It seemed like the original poster (OP) didn’t get the memo about what not to wear around new moms as she had shown up to Hannah’s house wearing a crop top and high-waisted leggings. This left OP feeling upset about the fact that she broke the unspoken dress code and unintentionally hurt her friend’s feelings, but hadn’t done anything on purpose.

However, several of her other friends who were also parents agreed that her actions could have come across as disrespectful. OP decided to go to Reddit in March 2020 and asked users what they thought about the situation and see if they had any advice on how to move forward.

In her Reddit post, OP explained that there were six people in her friend circle including herself, four of which have children. While it seems like the moms in the group understood the unspoken dress code, OP did not. When she went to visit Hannah, her husband and their newborn, everything went pretty well, until OP received a message from her friend named Louise later that night.

OP explained, “She had gone to visit Hannah a few hours after me and Hannah got really tearful saying that I was ‘rubbing it in’ by wearing a crop top. She was apparently really upset about it, she couldn’t stop crying and didn’t want to eat the dinner her husband had made.” Despite her clothing choices, OP said that she had been sitting most of the time so her body shouldn’t have been too visible. She also wasn’t trying to show it off.

OP continued, “Louise has a toddler and she told me that wearing a crop top to see your friend that soon after having a baby is insensitive because it can be hard to adjust to your new body.” While OP didn’t even think about her choice of clothes that day, it was clear that it had thoroughly upset her friend, leaving her to have mixed feelings about the situation. 

“I’m wondering if I should have known how sensitive a subject this is for women who have given birth?” she said. “My friends all know that I’m not interested in having children, so maybe I should be more considerate to the cons of parenthood as I’ll never have to deal with them?” 

Not sure what to do next, OP asked Redditors for their help. She was overwhelmed by the number of helpful responses she received and even updated her original post to include all of the great advice she was given. In the update, OP explained that she realized she wasn’t wrong for what she wore, but also that none of her friends were wrong for finding the choice of clothing insensitive. However, Redditors pointed out that Louise could have explained the situation in a nicer way. 

All in all, It mostly seemed like Hannah was still very hormonal and emotional — something that is completely normal for new moms. “The hormonal aspect had definitely crossed my mind, but I didn’t want to downplay Hannah’s feelings as ‘just hormones’ if that makes sense,” OP said. “I’m not going to dwell on it, or talk about it unless she brings it up herself.”

However, OP planned on implementing some changes to help her friend feel better. “I’m going to be mindful not to wear crop tops around her for a while,” she said. “I have other clothes and it’s not worth upsetting one of my best friends over.” 

Although OP was still sad she made her friend cry, realizing that new moms tend to cry over anything and everything at times helped her understand that this issue would probably go away soon. She added, “I’m going to offer to watch the baby when she’s a bit bigger (not good with infants!) so Hannah and Husband can do something nice for themselves.”

Do you think this woman broke the unspoken dress code of what to wear and what not to wear around new moms? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family and friends, too.