Single Father Criticized For Asking Legal Advice To Force 'Deadbeat' Mother To Become A Parent

May 14, 2022

Parenting is both rewarding and difficult, and most parents can attest to the fact that it is not a part-time job. It requires a person to dedicate their life to nurturing and supporting a child emotionally and financially, sometimes even after the child is an adult. Being a parent is a lifelong job, and often parents have to take care of their kids well into the children's adulthood as well. 

However, not everyone is born with a parenting instinct. Some people know right off the bat that they do not want any children, and actively avoid becoming a parent. When it is a woman that does not want to be a mother, there is some stigma attached to it, as women continue to be seen as naturally nurturing and maternal. This does not have to be true, though, as many women continue to express that they do not want and do not have an inherent maternal instinct. 

For one man on Reddit, the lack of his child's mother's maternal instinct made him annoyed and angry, and he turned to the subreddit Legal Advice to know how he could change the situation. When the mother got pregnant, she made it clear that she did not want the child and wanted to get an abortion. The man, who is the original poster (OP), wanted the child however and asked her to go through with the pregnancy so he could raise the child himself.

When things got tough as a single parent, he wanted legal advice as to how to get the mother involved, and he ended up being roasted online for his expectations. 

The man explained in his post on Reddit, "We weren't in a serious relationship when she got pregnant. She has never met our son. Even after the birth she had no desire to see him. We went to court to figure custody and support could be figured out and I have 100% full legal and physical custody. Her name is on the birth certificate but she has no custody and no right to visitation or to make things like medical or education decisions. She didn't want any of that." 

He continued, "Every month she pays 125% of the court ordered child support. She says that if I ever marry someone who wants to adopt him she will agree but until then she'll pay support. It's been this way since our son was born." 

However, he no longer liked the situation as it was, and told readers, "I'm raising our son all on my own. He is 18 months old now and he has never met her and I don't even have any photos of her even. I am burned out and hate being a single parent. I love my son but I resent him." 

To go from wanting to become a parent to resenting a child can be a shocking turn, but it happens to many parents who are raising a child alone. It is not easy being a single parent, but this man decided this was not working for him anymore. 

"I would never hurt or neglect him but I am exhausted all the time. I tried to go to court to give her split custody but because she wanted an abortion and I didn't and she made it clear she would never be involved after the birth..."

He continued, "and because we went to court when he was 6 months old but because we already went after he was born and agreed on things and now she pays more support than is court ordered the judge said he can't force her to look after him." 

He concluded his situation by saying, "I haven't seen her in almost a year and the last I heard she has a tummy tuck and laser stretch marks treatment and is working at a gym. She also told her friends and family she is an egg donor and not a mother. She is a deadbeat mom and the court won't do anything and is forcing me to struggle as a single parent. Do I have any legal remedies here?" 

However, there was no sympathy for the OP, as most people pointed out to him that he had wanted the child and the mother had not. One of the top comments stated, "So let me get this straight. You resent the child you forced someone else to bring in to the world under the condition that you be the sole caregiver? You want to force someone who DOES NOT WANT anything to do with this child to share caretaking?" 

The comment continued, "...How can you call someone you forced to give birth, under the condition that she has nothing to do with the child, a deadbeat when she pays MORE than the required child support?...The courts will not force someone who wants nothing to do with a child to take care of them other than financially, because that could endanger the child." 

Do you think the man was right for expecting the child's mother to do her part when it comes to parenting? Tell us your thoughts, and be sure to pass this on to your friends to ask them what they think as well.