Psychologists Reveal The Best Way To Stay Calm In An Argument

Sep 05, 2018

Many people have a tendency to fly off the handle and to get very worked up when even the smallest situation arises. If you can relate to this, you understandably feel passionate about taking a stance, protecting or defending yourself or seeking a positive solution. It is impossible to live life without conflict, but you may be able to achieve a similar or better outcome if you remain calm when dealing with tense situations.

The unfortunate reality is that there are many situations in life that you have no control over. Events happen that inevitably can make you upset in different ways. While your automatic response may be to get angry or upset, keep in mind that showing intense and negative emotions may not make the situation better. In fact, it could worsen the circumstances.

Even when you know that you should remain calm and positive, you may still have trouble overcoming that unconscious response to defend yourself in some way. These tips can help you to remain in control of your actions and emotions:

The body’s natural physical reaction to exposure to stress is to tense up, and this inevitably is the first step toward letting emotions take over. As soon as you notice your body tensing, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

This process has a physical impact on your body. It reduces your body’s production off the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, and this directly helps you to manage your reaction to the situation. 

While you are taking a few deep breaths, notice how tense your muscles are throughout your body. Make a conscious decision to relax your muscles from head to toe. Remember to unclench your jaw, and allow your brow to soften. 

When you are calm, you understand and accept that there are two sides to every story, but this understanding can fly out the window when you are overwhelmed by a passionate and innate response to stress. After you have relaxed your body, actively learn about all sides of the situation.

Remember that actively listening to another person can also help them to relax because they may feel as though you are taking their position into consideration. 

Even when you listen aptly, you may still need clarification about a few points before you get to the bottom of the situation. Focus on asking open-ended questions because these let the other person respond with greater detail.

Ensure that your questions are positive rather than accusatory. For example, rather than asking if a person did or did not do something, ask about why and how something happened.

The volume and tone of your voice can subconsciously cause you to feel more emotional, and it can also work the other person up. When you are overly excited or yelling, you may spurt out things that should not be said or say them in a way that intensifies the situation.

It can also increase your blood pressure and work you up again. It can be difficult to monitor and control your voice and tone, so you may have to actively focus on this.

In many cases, you can come to a resolution or agreement with the other person, but there are also times when you both will need to agree to disagree. Rather than drag an argument on, be observant for a situation when you must simply walk away. It is pointless to get increasingly upset about something that may never be resolved to your satisfaction. 

You can see that the key to being calm in a tense situation is to be aware of yourself at all times. These tips are not something that you may be able to perfectly follow right away. It may take you may months of practice before you can rein in your emotions and be fully in control of yourself in a heated moment. 

Do you have any experiences with self-control and remaining calm in an argument? Leave your tips and comments in the spaces below!