5 Indications You Care Way Too Much

Jan 11, 2019

Kindness and compassion are never a bad thing. The world is better with it. We live in a time where it’s very easy to be self-interested but hard to stay compassionate and caring. Still, is it possible to care too much? Certainly. It’s possible to care at the expense of your own happiness and even to the point of being self-destructive.

Here are five signs that you care too much:

When you put the needs of other people above your own, those people will notice. Even without malice, they may come to expect it. You may feel obligated to provide it. Does that sound like your situation? It’s vital that you strike a balance between your compassion and what is in your best interests. When you feel tired or overwhelmed or just don’t agree, it’s all right to say no.

Saying no doesn’t make you uncaring. If you don’t assert your well-being and opinions, even the most well-intentioned people will take advantage of you. It’s human nature. Establish the obligation that you have to put yourself first above all else. No one else can fill that role, and when you find that balance, your kindness and compassion can have an even bigger effect on the world.

Are you a people pleaser? Such behavior is often established early in life. Some experts believe that parents inadvertently cause this by praising obedience but discouraging assertiveness. A child can subconsciously perceive this a threat. In order to get the love that they need, they must please others even if it comes at a cost to them. They fear being scolded or, worse, shunned.

As adults, this learned behavior can manifest in various ways. You may find yourself going along in order to avoid confrontations. It often leads you to care too much about what other people think. Be mindful that the people in your life will still love you even if your opinions differ from their own. They will even welcome it. After all, variety is the spice of life. Other people have to own their reactions. You are not responsible for owning them, and you should never do so at the cost of your own well-being.

This can be the most exhausting and disheartening aspect for truly compassionate people. There’s some overlap here with number one, but this is more about you and less about them. A mother is expected to put the needs of her children above her own, but if you are doing that for other family members, friends, and even acquaintances, then something is wrong.

Does being nice and caring sometimes seem as much a curse as a blessing? This is bad for your mental health and your overall well-being. Set clear boundaries, and let people know when they’ve crossed a line. More importantly, don’t cross that line yourself. On occasion, when it really matters, sure, but as a rule, you need to set relationship boundaries for yourself that you do not cross.

A big issue with caring too much for others is that you don’t have the time and energy to care for yourself. We all need TLC (Tender Loving Care), and there are some aspects of that we can only give ourselves. You need to make a concerted effort to make time for yourself. Don’t just plan for it in an ambiguous manner. Pencil into your schedule, and only break your self-love appointment in an emergency. This kind of attention to yourself is a great way to relieve stress and avoid depression. In the paraphrased words of the great Buddha, you more than anyone deserves your love and affection.

This is a telltale sign that you care too much for others and not enough for yourself. People who give too much attention are destined to attract those who need too much attention. To some degree, this can also be about you being selfish. It makes you feel good, but the benefits are fleeting. One of the hardest aspects of improving your state of being can be reshaping these existing relationships.

While it can be a difficult evolution at times, it’s vital to become an individual who is self-sufficient and assertive and doesn’t require another in order to be happy. If you can do this while still remaining kindhearted, you are well on your way to being a fulfilled person. 

Are you someone who cares too much? Let us know how you're going to bring more self-love into your life and be sure to pass this article on to anyone who might put others’ needs above their own - we all deserve some love and affection.