Your Kid Is A Brat, And It's Your Fault

Sep 09, 2016 by apost team

I really wish I didn't have to tell you this, but your child is sort of a brat. Yes, I mean yours. They are constantly whining and they always get their way. The solution? Keep reading.

I'm sure that you're doing your best to be a good parent. Your parents probably didn't pay as much attention to you and my bets are they probably didn't even know where you were and what you were doing half the time. Your mom had no idea you were in the debate team. And your dad was always busy with work, which is why he missed a lot of your swimming competitions.

But you refuse to be like that. You do things your own way.

You do everything you can to make them happy because that's all you really want. You do your best to stay involved because you want to know what's going on in their life. You want them to feel loved and important. You plan and organize your entire life around theirs. You animate them to try out new things. And like so many other parents, you hover. You drill them with a thousand questions. You want them to have an amazing life and don't want them to miss out on anything. Ever.

But just like me, you are making mistakes. And somehow we've managed to turn our kids into brats. Here's why:

We negotiate.

Whenever our children want something from us, we start negotiating with them. "You can have ice cream if you behave" is a sentence we hear all too often. And if they don't behave we keep giving them "one last chance". Naturally, this one last chance turns into several more chances. One of my favorite lines is "I promise to do it later.". Don't get me wrong, negotiations can be useful, but we have to draw a line somewhere. And once this line is crossed, the game is over.

We clean up their room.

There's only so much a person can take. An unmade bed, clothes and wet towels on the floor, dirty dishes - the room looks like a bomb went off. The more time passes the worse and more disgusting it gets. But this doesn't stop us from letting them have play dates and movie nightswith their friends. They never listen when we tell them to clean their room, so eventually we just give up and do it ourselves. The problem with this scenario is that they get so used to us cleaning up their room if they just wait long enough.

We carry their backpack.

Yes, I'm well aware that it's heavy. Sometimes stuff simply is. They have homework to do and so many books to carry. The problem is once we start carrying their things for them, we are once again doing too much. We are making their life too comfortable.

We argue with their teachers.

I'm a strong supporter of sticking up for our kids, but only after our kids have spoken up for themselves. So if a teacher tells you that your child could be doing more for school, believe her. Most teachers actually want to help our children. They want them to do well in school and in life. By arguing over unfulfilled assignments or showing up late for practice, children tend to think that it's okay to be lazy because their parents will argue in their favor and make excuses for them. This leads to our children thinking they don't have to respect their teachers, which is wrong.

We ask them what they would like to eat.

For the life of me I can't remember my parents ever having asked me what I wanted to have for dinner. Can you? I don't think I ever heard my parents say, "Hey sweetie, what do you think about going out for dinner?" Going out was an extremely rare and special thing while I was growing up. I really only remember eating one of four meals: pasta, chicken, meatloaf and some kind of casserole I found absolutely disgusting. But guess what, I ate it anyway!

We don't give our kids chores or responsibilites.

Fact of the matter is, if our kid isn't bringing out the trash, taking the dog out, setting the table, folding their laundry, they should bepaying rent.

We want nothing more than for them to be happy.

Here's some interesting information: Kids are not meant to be happy all the time. It is totally okay if they don't always get their way and if they don't always get to do what they want, where they want. Prepare yourself for the occassional rolling of the eyes and a moan here and there whenever they have to do chores or spend time with family. But remember that it's okay because the world does not revolve around them and their happiness.

We let them play us against each other.

This is a mistake we make all too often. If our child asks us for something and Parent No. 1 says, "No", the child simply moves on to Parent No. 2 who says, "Sure, why not!". Our kids would certainly turn out less bratty if we always presented a united front. In these situations we should at least try to strive for the same thing. Disagreements can be sorted out afterwards. Otherwise, we're just teaching our kids to put their parents against each other.

We make excuses for them.

This too is a common mistake. Bad behavior or mistakes on their part are exactly that - bad behavior and mistakes. And things like "They were too tired (after having watched TV for three hours)" is nothing but a lame excuse. If we continue to make excuses for our kids we are only promoting their bad behavior or lack of work ethic. They need to learn discipline, otherwise they turn into brats.

Their plans are more important than ours.

"I'm so sorry we can't come, Johnny has a baseball game that day ." Most of the time, this is a legitamite answer. Of course we want to go  to the game to cheer them on, but sometimes the game (and Johnny) must take a back seat. And the odds are Johnny will do even better when you're not there shouting from the stands. If you want your kid to do better, do them a favor and miss out on a few games.

Being involved in our kid's life is fantastic. Giving them attention is important. But it's often the amount of attention we give them and the degree to which we are involved, which ends up causing damage. If we are letting our kids negotiate, making excuses for their bad behavior and making them feel too comfortable, we are doing something wrong. By cleaning their room, asking them for dinner requests and undermining each other as parents, we are turning our kids into brats.

Let your kids carry their heavy stuff by themselves every once in a while and let them live in their rooms until fungus grows. It'll be good for them.

apost.com